Auntie Em's Guide to Life

A guide to all the important things in life- marriage, family, cooking, gardening, reading, travel, Christian living… And whatever else grabs my attention!

A Merry Heart–December 9

on December 9, 2012

 

A merry heart is good medicine.
Proverbs 17:22

 

Today my Merry Heart is a bit different than usual — in honor of Mr X’s being released by the doctor following his motorcycle accident, I will share some of the corny jokes that he and Sunshine love to ┬átorture entertain us with.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye deer. (Say it out loud and pretend you’re from Texas. It’ll make sense.)

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no-eye deer.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter, he’s not coming anyway.

Why do dogs make such lousy dancers?
Because they have two left feet!

What’s the #1 use for cowhide?
To hold cows together

How many sides are on a barrel?
2– the inside and outside

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work

How far can a dog run into the woods?
Halfway. After that, he’s running out!

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick

What does a fish say when he runs into a wall?
“Dam!”

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean beef

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
U-nique up on him!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.

What kind of jelly does a whale eat on his toast?
Jelly fish

Which is the funniest state?
Joke-lahoma

Why are there so many Smiths in the Houston phone book?
They all have phones.

 

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10 responses to “A Merry Heart–December 9

  1. Rejoycin says:

    love them! my kinda jokes! Now you just get um’ to stay off that bike and be around to tell them to his grandchildren : ) Bad bikes… bad bad

    • Auntie Em says:

      Yep, Denise, he’s done riding. Yay! I never worried but the thrill was definitely gone. I’m glad he made that decision, and they totaled the bike so he won’t have to deal with saying goodbye to it.

  2. LubbyGirl says:

    at first I had no eye deer what that joke was about. got it. :lol: I love these – almost can make cornbread from them.

  3. GC at Calm.Healthy.Sexy. says:

    Thankful that your hubby is recovering well!

  4. Sunshine says:

    The more you tell them, the funnier they get!!!

  5. Wonderful verse and I love these jokes (I have to use some of them on my hubby)!

    So glad to hear your hubby is doing better! :-)

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