A Merry Heart– March 17

A merry heart is good medicine…

Proverbs 17:22

Good morning! Get your tissues ready– this is one of the best videos I’ve ever seen.

A shout-out to Modern Mrs. Darcy for highlighting this video. Please read her article The Peculiar Sadness of Somebody Else’s Happy Video if there are sad tears. But the good news is, even if you didn’t come from a “happily-ever-after” kind of family, you can make your own. My parents weren’t; nor were either sets of my grandparents (whom I didn’t know). But I knew a lot of what NOT to do, and had a very good friend who became a counselor (Teekay), and I gave her plenty of practice!

Isaac did a proposal video before this one, which is also a feel-good fest. I have a feeling this couple does indeed have the best ahead of them.

 

Why Unity?

Our church has been without a pastor since last May. We elected a search committee quickly and they have been busily and faithfully going through dozens of resumes, listening to sermons, contacting references, etc… all the things involved in that huge task. We’ve had a “long-term supply” pastor for several months, the one that has inspired many of my posts, but we are ready for a shepherd! Our committee has found the man they feel that God wants for our church; he is coming to our church next month “in view of a call” (if you are not familiar with that term, it means he will meet us, preach for us, and spend time with us so we can all make our final decisions as we listen and seek God’s will.)

Well anyway, on Sunday the preacher preached his “church looking for a pastor” sermon, as he called it. It was all about unity. Many of the reasons a church needs unity are also applicable to a marriage between believers.

An interesting insight: He said unity was one of the disciplines of Christian discipleship. That was a new thought for me, but think about it: a discipline is something that does not come naturally; you have to do it consciously, and many times it’s hard; and the purpose is to mold our behavior and characters. Unity definitely does NOT come naturally, because it involves laying down and subduing our selfish egos.

There must have been a lack of unity among Christ’s disciples, because in His prayer in John 17, He talks about it at length. He asks for God’s protection “so that they may be one as we are one” (v 11) and asks “May they be brought to complete unity…” (v 23) There are several instances of disunity and competition among Jesus’s followers throughout the New Testament– In Mark 10 where James and John ask to be given places of honor– In Acts 6 where the Greeks felt that the Hebrews were overlooking their widows– Euodia and Syntyche had some sort of conflict in Philippians 4, and Paul pleads with them to “agree in the Lord.” The fact that he pleaded with them instead of just suggesting or asking indicates how important it was.

What’s the big deal? Why unity?

POWER

There is POWER in unity. One of the biggest miracles in the New Testament happened in Acts 2, when the Holy Spirit entered the people and 3,000 were saved. Have you noticed what preceded the event? The King James Bible says the believers were “of one accord, ” gathered together.

Have you seen or experienced times when you are your spouse were not unified? Maybe on financial decisions? Child-rearing philosophies? Where to go or how to vacation? Of course you have; we’ve all been there! And if one of us doesn’t lay down our preference, and decide that the unity of our marriage is more important than winning, a small disagreement can lead to a big problem.

MATURITY

Ephesians 4 says that being able to overlook people’s faults, being patient, humble, and gentle (v 2) is the mark of  MATURITY in a Christian (v 13) Verses 15-16 further explain how the members of the Body of Christ need to be able to work together like parts of our physical bodies so we will not be led astray, but become more like Christ.

A mature marriage (I don’t mean one that has just been in existence a long time; I mean a truly God-grown, mature marriage) can withstand a lot of blows. The roots are strong and the love tanks are full. God has brought you through many crises so it’s easier to believe that He will bring you through this next one.

GOD’S BLESSING

GOD BLESSES unity: Psalm 133: 1-3 How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony… there the Lord has pronounced His blessing, even life everlasting.

When a husband and wife are united–not necessarily share the same opinions on everything, but their life philosophies are in line with one another (both with God’s), marriage is a sweet place. You know what to expect. You’ve learned to read one another and pick up on needs and moods and can respond accordingly. How peaceful!

WITNESS

I believe the most important benefit of unity is back in John 17: so that the world may believe that you have sent me (v 22) and to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me (v 23). Believe me, the world knows how Christians are supposed to behave. When we bicker and are ugly and rude to people, that’s not Christ they are seeing.

The news media love to throw around that statistic about Christian marriages ending in divorce as often as non-Christian. (FYI, at our Weekend to Remember conference, one of our speakers said that when the qualifications of regular church attendance and prayer were added to “being a Christian” the number of divorces dropped sharply. I don’t know where he got his figures, but that makes sense.) Remember that the enemy hates marriage, and he especially hates a marriage that honors God and represents His love for His children.

Our world today is more anti-Christian than I’ve ever seen. We must remember that our God is greater than any power on earth, and we are His children, His Body, His representatives. I pray we will be united in showing His love to unbelievers, in ways that will woo them to Him. Please God, don’t let us be ones that push people away.

Lessons on Marriage from Downton Abbey

Are you hooked on Downton Abbey? Like many, I’m smitten! I’ve always loved costume dramas, especially ones where the actors speak with British accents. I’m a lifelong Anglophile and this series feeds my love for England, beautiful homes, and history all in a moving family saga. Well you know Auntie Em– of course I had to look and find examples I could apply to marriage, and find them I did!

(Disclaimer regarding plot spoilers and details– I’ve watched all of Season 1; 3 episodes of Season 2 on DVD; and all 5 episodes of Season 3. I don’t have them recorded so I might misquote something but I’ll get the general idea. ALSO– I do realize it’s only a TV show!)

1. Fight for your marriage.

When we attended the Weekend to Remember marriage conference, the presenter urged the men not to give in to their tendency to be passive at home. Many husbands will fight all kinds of battles at work; identify and solve problems proactively and face issues head on; but at home they withdraw when faced with problems they don’t know the immediate solution for. I used to see this in my marriage. My armchair diagnosis (corroborated by Mr X) says that many men don’t have the relational skill to figure out a solution on their own, and that makes them feel inadequate– and that’s the worst thing a man can feel. There is also the feeling that, bad as things might be now, if you confront them, they might get worse.

FAIL: After Sybil dies, Cora blames Robert. He gives in to her request that he move out of their bedroom and when he tells Mary how much he misses Sybil, she begs him to “tell Mama.” He says, “She doesn’t want to hear it.” Don’t give up without a fight, Robert! In the end, it’s his mother that fights for his marriage. (In Robert’s defense, he has also lost his beloved child. Sometimes you just don’t have the strength to fight!)

PASS: Anna searches tirelessly for evidence that will exonerate Mr. Bates. She moves way outside her comfort zone, involving “the master” and a lawyer, as well as spending some amount of her money to pay the unsavory witness for speaking to her. Her efforts pay off, finally! Lesson to learn: It might take a long time; it might stretch you; it might seem hopeless, but hold out and keep fighting. Your marriage is worth it.

2. Your primary loyalty is for your spouse, not your parent.

 This is nothing new for regular Auntie Em readers. (Leave and Cleave was one of the most-read posts.) Mary’s love and loyalty to her father are undisputed and a recurring theme.

PASS: As Matthew tries to budge Robert on new ideas about operating the Estate, he needs Mary’s support. “I love my father,” she counters. “Of course you do. But cheer for me.” And later he feels sure he can make his plans work, “Now that you are on my team.”

3. Encourage your spouse to be their best, what God would have them to be.

PASS with an A PLUS: Anna told Mr. Bates she would leave everything and “live in sin” with him if his estranged, conniving wife wouldn’t agree to divorce him. He gently told her, “That’s not the path for you.” I loved that!

4. Be honest– Don’t keep secrets.

FAIL: Back in season 1, Robert and Carson got proof that Thomas was a thief. He resigned and so they didn’t have to face the unpleasantness of firing him. But they decided it would be better if Cora didn’t know– so later on, when she arranges for Thomas to return in a position of some authority, it’s rather too late for them to object.

FAIL: Also, when Mary must have a “small operation” to correct a female problem, she doesn’t tell Matthew until it’s over and healed. “That’s why I was putting you off.” Matthew’s response, “I thought you’d gone off me,” is probably what most men think when their wives stop being intimate with them. This could have led to much more serious problems.

I’m sure you can find more examples of passing and failing. If you haven’t watched the series, season 1 is on Netflix instant viewing and Season 2 is on Netflix DVD. They are also all available for purchase. Pour yourself a cup of tea and enjoy!

These are a Few of My Favorite Things

And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 5:20

Over the Christmas holidays I caught up on LOTS of blog reading– I saw several who were taking part in Ann Voscamp’s 1000 Gifts Joy Dare and thought what a good idea that would be. I ultimately decided that I could so easily become obsessed with “keeping up” that it might do me more harm than good, so instead of counting, I’m working hard on keeping a thankful heart all the time. One evening I looked around my kitchen and took some pictures of some of the things I’m really thankful for, so many gifts that I could spin around and see without taking a step. I am blessed beyond measure.

If you’d like to get in the mood, listen to Julie Andrews sing “My Favorite Things” while you read! From when my kids were tiny, I’d sing this when something bad was happening– shots, sickness, broken hearts, pets dying…

I love dishes and kitchenware! Sis got me this new bowl for Christmas.

And the amazing thing was how well it went with my Fiestaware (which I also love) that I already had!

I love a hot cup of Constant Comment tea when I get home from school in the afternoon.

I love my KitchenAid stand mixer. Mr X got it for me for Christmas about 20 years ago. (Some women don’t like kitchen tools as gifts– not me!)

I love this dipper. Granny just gave it to us over the holidays. It belonged to Mr X’s great-grandmother and she kept it on a nail by her sink, and everyone who needed a drink of water used it. (People were tougher back then, and viruses were weaker!) He drinks out of it now.

I love my pantry. After Hurricane Rita we replaced out cabinets and put this in. Thank you Home Depot!

We also added a built-in buffet and this display cabinet. I have lots of glassware that belonged to my grandmother.

I love my Lenox Holiday china. For several Christmases Mr X had gotten me a serving piece, then after Christmas in 2007, he bought several dinner and salad plates, plus a platter and vegetable dish, to give me the next year. (on the sly, and at half-price!) In September of 2008 Hurricane Ike hit, and as I was preparing to evacuate (he has to stay since he works for the electric company) and was sinking fast, thinking it was going to be like Rita again, he brought out my Christmas present early to cheer me up. Sis and her husband spent the night with us so we could leave together the next morning, and we ate on it in case our house got smashed.

I love my Wusthof knives. Another Christmas gift.

I love coffee in the morning. Mr X fixes it the night before, and sets out my cup and Splenda for me.

I love our refrigerator memory gallery. That’s my (and the girls’) piano teacher in the upper left with Sis and me, and my mother on the lower left. We get magnets from places we visit.

I love our little stray cat that adopted us. We call him “Bullet” because he runs around like crazy. He is marked a lot like our black and white cat, Max. I love the way Mr X is such a cat person! Knowing him, you wouldn’t expect it, but he’s a big softie about those cats.

I love the fact that my girls are crafty. Sunshine made this cake for a baby shower.

Sis made these cupcakes for the  birthday party of a friend’s little girl.

And my friends, I love the fact that YOU are reading my blog! I pray for you. I pray that God will give me words to speak, to meet needs.

Look around. See what you love. We have been extravagantly gifted. What are you thankful for today?

Beauty for Ashes

When Sunshine was in first grade, her school nurse gave her a vision screening and she failed it. We followed up with a professional exam. When it was over, the doctor sent all the kids out into the waiting room, looked me in the eyes and said, “There is a problem…Blah blah… Amblyopia….blah blah… Strabismus… Legally blind in that eye…”

If you are a mother you can understand that I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach and had all the air let out of me.

Visit me at Deep and Wonderful Thoughts to hear “the rest of the story”! It’s part of Lisa’s “Beauty for Ashes” series.

A Sweet and Powerful Thing

Back at the end of November, after Mr X had his wreck and I asked for prayers, I posted on my Auntie Em Facebook page, “Thank you so much for prayers from ALL OVER THE U.S. AND THE WORLD!! The fellowship of Believers is a sweet and powerful thing!” The more I thought about that phrase, the more I realized that it is so very true! In this situation alone we have seen it. I have readers from many countries, some who leave comments regularly telling me they are praying, and I’m sure for every one who leaves a comment there are dozens who don’t but still pray. I fully believe Mr X’s deliverance from very serious injury (even death) and quick recovery were due to the prayers of brother and sister Believers.

The past couple of months have been hard for me. After the accident (November 24) I missed 3 days of school the week before our Christmas concert (December 6), and an important audition for my kids. Our Middle school concert was December 4, and I began to get sick December 5. The normal progression is scratchy throat, throat-on-fire, laryngitis, blown up sinuses and bronchitis. It stayed true to form! I was praying that laryngitis would hold off till after the high school concert since I was singing Soprano 1 in an ensemble with my Area choir qualifiers. (Thank You Jesus; it did.) There were five more performance events the following week, and the sinus infection just kept its claws in me.

I eventually went to the doctor and began a 10-day course of antibiotics and Prednisone, followed by another round of different antibiotic. I’m actually still coughing and am not sure I’m entirely well! I didn’t decorate for Christmas beyond the few large things I could get from my Christmas closet without digging, and a tabletop fiber optic tree. (Sunshine calls it my white-trash tree!) I didn’t send Christmas cards. I didn’t finish my shopping and we ended up giving our kids money hidden inside giveaway flashlights. I didn’t cook for our get together–Sis brought gumbo leftover from her Christmas party.

The holidays were wonderful– we had planned a short trip, but neither of us was up to it, so we stayed home and rested, which is just perfect for me. They were over way too fast! And now we’ve had rain, rain, and more rain, and I am fighting off the blues, holding my breath and praying that it is not my old companion, wintertime depression knocking at my door.

I’m telling you all this not to complain and wallow in self-pity, but to be honest and share my heart with you, so that when I tell you about how the fellowship of Believers has uplifted us, you will have a context for understanding.

The day of the accident, my in-laws drove me to Lufkin, where Mr X was in the ER, about a 2-hour drive. We found out later that people stopped immediately to help. Somebody called 911 when they saw the wreck; one lady was a nurse who told Mr X he needed to be still because he was hurt, and another lady knelt down and prayed with him. His riding buddy who was also injured but was checked and released, and his wife came and prayed with us before they went home.  Our daughters and their husbands dropped everything to drive to our house, pack my suitcase, pick me up from Lufkin, and get me to Houston to the hospital where they transferred him.

As soon as I heard and was waiting to leave for Lufkin, I texted a few friends to pray, as I didn’t know the extent of his injuries, and they prayed. As word spread, so did the circle of prayers. (When he was released from the hospital and went to follow up with his doctor, he saw the PA, whom he had not seen before, and he said something about Sunshine– a light came on in the PA’s face and she said, “We prayed for you Saturday!” Turns out she has known Sunshine for years through the Emmaus/Chrysalis community, but she knows her married name, so this prayer had just been offered up for “Sunshine’s dad.”)

Our coworkers picked up whatever needed doing and said, “Don’t even think about work. We’ll take care of it.” And we didn’t, because they truly meant what they said, and took care of everything. My sweet (band director) supervisor offered to go to our choir auditions and do whatever he could, and my middle school director took over my classes and my spot in the auditions. Another coworker gave us firewood since Mr X couldn’t cut and split wood this year. Friends let us borrow medical equipment that we needed till his mobility was restored.

A high school friend of Mr X’s works in Houston and came by the hospital and prayed with us. When we got home, many friends brought food and sent cards. Our church prayed. Our children and their friends prayed. Our friends and their churches prayed. Our coworkers prayed. My Facebook friends, and Auntie Em’s friends and their churches prayed. I was so humbled and thankful.

The amazing thing about the fellowship of Believers is that we don’t have to know one another at all to have care and concern– because of our relationship to our Father, we have an automatic brotherhood and sisterhood. We don’t have to know the details of the need, or even the names of the people because God knows all that. All we have to do is come before Him and lift our needs and those that we know about.

2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I have a new understanding of this one– although His power is shown through us when we are weak, His power is also seen through others when they minister to us in our weakness.

Thank you for your prayers.

Armor Up your Marriage

In my last post I wrote about my husband’s motorcycle accident at the end of November, and how his riding gear– a full face helmet, riding gloves and boots, and an armored jacket– saved his skin, and I believe, his life. (Read “Armor Up!” if you missed it.)  I got to thinking how God provides protective armor for us spiritually, and also in our marriages.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms… Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,  and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:11-12, 14-17

Stand against the devil’s schemes

It’s important to remember that God created and ordained marriage, and it is meant to be an earthly representation of the relationship between Christ and His church. Marriages that follow God’s rules are the foundation of healthy families, which in turn build a Godly society. And our enemy hates everything about marriage. Humans can do plenty of wrong, selfish things on our own, but remember when your spouse has stepped on your last nerve that the devil is scheming against your marriage. Your spouse is not your enemy– Satan is, and all the authorities and powers of this dark world. The armor that protects our spirits can also protect our marriages.

The belt of truth

The other day a salesman counseled Mr X to buy something that was more than he wanted to spend by saying, “Well just buy it and don’t tell your wife!” (He not only didn’t buy it, but told the man that he has too much respect for his wife to do that. WOW!) I remember before I started teaching school, a close friend my mother’s age advised me to write a check for groceries a little over the amount and hold that money aside as “my” money. Telling “little white lies” to your spouse is NOT okay. Neither is neglecting to tell them something you don’t want them to know, or doing something you know they don’t want you to do and hoping they don’t find out. You’re MARRIED. You are ONE FLESH. Don’t keep secrets. Nothing about you is not their business. Deception is like a little tree that grows up between the cracks in a sidewalk; it gets bigger and bigger and eventually breaks the sidewalk to pieces.

The breastplate of righteousness

In addition to general instructions on the Christian way of life, the Bible gives Christians very detailed instructions on how to behave in marriage. (Ephesians 5:22-33; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1-7 to name a few) In a nutshell: Husbands are to love their wives with Christlike love. Wives are to respect their husbands. They actually submit to one another, loving with servant love, but somebody has to have controlling interest. That’s how I see Biblical submission of wives. The husband has the ultimate authority because his is the ultimate responsibility. I rarely watch TV and one of the big reasons is that I can’t stand the way husbands and dads are belittled and made fun of. Ladies, if you badmouth your husband that is wrong. Men, if you put your own needs ahead of your wife’s, that is wrong. If we want our marriages to be protected by God’s armor, we have to operate by His rule book.

The Gospel of peace

A Christian home should be a place of safety and peace, an oasis in a dry and dusty land!

• Husbands,  love your wives and never treat them harshly. (Ephesians 3:19)
• Wives, remember It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. (Proverbs 21:19) Beware of husband-bashing parties that sometimes develop when a group of girlfriends get together.

The shield of faith

I know this Scripture is talking about faith in God, but faith in your spouse is an important thing, too. Don’t assume the worst when they say something wrong; look for a different explanation. (Maybe he’s not a self-centered pig; maybe he had a really bad day at work. Maybe she isn’t totally selfish and insensitive to your needs; maybe SHE had a really bad day at work!) Often we put on a happy face out in the world, then really let our hair down at home, with the one we trust the most. Be careful not to take that trust for granted. Give a warning ahead of time if you are “out of sorts” as we say in Texas.

The helmet of salvation

I can’t stretch this one to apply to anything but God. But to put it in a marital context, if you are both believers, you are not only husband and wife, you are brother and sister in Christ. You share a common relationship with your heavenly Father. Everything that Christ exemplified and is written about relationships — selflessness, kindness, forgiveness, longsuffering, etc— also applies in marriages.

Marriages in our world today are subjected to all kinds of hazards, from sick children to leaking dishwashers to lost jobs to infidelity. The protective armor of God can deflect many of these “flaming arrows” and can give us strength to fight the battles that will come. Armor up!

Auntie Em’s Crockpot Onion-Ranch Chicken

I got creative in the kitchen today– an unusual occurrence for me! But I was inspired by all the Pinterest recipes I’ve been pinning lately and decided to be brave. It was delicious and got 2 thumbs up from Mr X!

1. Start with a large package of bone-in chicken breasts. (They will be juicier and more flavorful than boneless.) Cut the skin and fat off, and place the breasts in a large crock pot, bone side down.

2. Mix together 2 packages of ranch dressing mix, 2 packages of Lipton Cup-a-soup cream of chicken soup mix, and 1 package of Lipton Recipe Secrets onion-mushroom soup mix.

3. Sprinkle the mix thickly on the breasts and pat in. I cracked some pepper over the top too.

4. Add a bit of water to the leftover soup mixes, to make a thick but pourable sauce. Pour it in the bottom of the pot. I didn’t want to wash off the dry mix, so I was careful not to pour the wet mixture over the top.

5. Cook on low heat 6 hours.

6. Serve! The juice makes a great sauce so you could easily serve this over rice or pasta.

You could also cook this in the oven. I wouldn’t pour the wet mix in the pan at first though; I’d bake at 400 about 30 minutes (till it forms a good crust) then add the wet mix, cover, and cook the rest of the way. These were large breasts and would probably take 45-60 minutes in a 400 degree oven. Just be sure and check with a thermometer. You want it to reach 180, but not be overcooked.

This seasoning mix would work equally well on pork or beef!

If you try it, be sure and let me know how it goes over for you!

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you and your family a happy, healthy, joyous Christmas!

If you’d like to add some festive Christmas music to your gathering, I invite you to listen to my Youtube playlist of Christmas carols I recorded. The arrangements are by Chris Rice in his Christmas Living Room Sessions book.

12 Days (of Encouraging Your Spouse) of Christmas Part 2

Have you gotten some ideas for the 12 Days of Christmas? On Monday we talked about the first six, (if you missed them, check them out here.) and today we have the last six.

6. Give a gift that keeps on giving. Sort of like the “jelly of the month” club that Clark Griswold was so disappointed to get!

However if you make it something he likes, like a pie of his choice, or a child-free date, or a “no-guilt” guys’ night, or ironing his shirts, or whatever, he will be happy. His birthdate and your anniversary date are good times to plan monthly events.

7. Take interest in something he likes but has never really lit your fire. Like college football. Or fishing.

8. Give him a full-body massage. (You can include hanky-panky if you want, but even a HP-free massage would be much appreciated!) If you’ve never had a massage, you need to schedule one so you will know how to do it! Be sure to get some kind of massage oil– dry hands just don’t work. Coconut oil works well, and I’ve heard that olive oil does too, but you might start craving spaghetti!

9. Do something just for him.  Mr X likes to listen to me play the piano. I play at church, and I play at work, so I rarely play at home for fun. Every time I do, though, he says how much he likes hearing me play. (I’ll be including this one!)

10. Go all out with an “event” plan, something that he will enjoy. Plan a movie night. Let him choose; get popcorn and movie candy. A picnic with blanket, food, dessert, and outdoor activities. Visit someplace close to you that is a tourist attraction– many times there are really neat things close to home but we’ve never seen them!

11. Wear something he likes. Very often, when we are going somewhere together, I ask what Mr X would like me to wear. He likes that; it’s a small thing that tells him I value his opinion and HE is my “audience.”

12. Plan a dream date or special weekend, centered on everything HE likes. On our half-anniversary last July, I grilled filet mignons, made a blueberry cheesecake like one he had admired in a catalog, got out the china and candles, and a new dress. I sent him texts throughout the day telling him what I was doing and sending pictures– build it up! (The whipped cream on top actually was camouflage for big cracks!)

Then later on in the summer, I planned an overnight to Houston, with surprise visits and photo-ops that I talked about in Three Little Changes.

Your husband (or wife, if you are a man reading this) just wants to know that he is important to you, and that he has a significant place in your plans and schedule. It’s very easy to push spouses down toward the bottom of our to-do list because of the permanence of the relationship. But, like a fire that is not tended, the fire in a marriage can slowly die away and be gone before you realize it. A little care, some priority time and effort, are small prices to pay for a huge dividend.