Got Patience?

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”  ~ Galatians 5:22-23 NAS

Do you need an extra dose of patience in your marriage? Most of us do, because when we are at home, we often take off our masks– a good thing! But that means that our spouses sometimes bear the brunt of the jabs and snarls we have been holding back from everybody else.

Join me over at A Biblical Marriage and let’s talk about the Spiritual Fruit of patience!

 

 

Just Do It PS

The day I wrote Just Do It, I watched Joyce Meyer sermon (while I was walking on the treadmill, yay!!) called Finish What You Start. She talked about her daughter’s 50-lb loss and knew that the audience would want to know how she did it. (How many times have I asked that question?) She said, “I’m not going to tell you!” God has a different plan for everyone, whether it’s weight loss, or Bible study, or discipline in any other area, and we already know what to do! We just need to do it.

We already know what to do!

Oh man, isn’t that funny how God speaks to us? In the other post, I focused on the DOING. Today, as I was walking the treadmill (again– yay!!) I began to focus on the KNOWING.

What exercise plan should I follow? How about the one that you already have everything you need? I have a treadmill, a nice neighborhood, and good walking shoes for walking. But I have had knee surgery and walking might aggravate it. Well try it and moderate it if that happens. I have a balance ball workout video. I have 1- and 5-lb weights and resistance bands, and Youtube, which is full of free videos.

What Bible study plan should I do? Read it. I already use plans on the Youversion app. I have many devotional books on my bookshelf. There are a gazillion online studies. Pray about it, but don’t obsess. If you don’t get any specific leading, flip a coin or something, anything, just start one! I’m feeling led to continue my 3 bookmark plan of the Bible (OT history; OT poetry/prophecy; and NT) but add Good Morning Girls’s SOAP method– write down the Scripture; write down some observations; write down some applications; and pray using the Scripture. I won’t do this for everything, but when something speaks to me, I will.

How should I give? Well obviously, tithe to your church you attend. If you don’t have one, find one, and get involved. Check out their beliefs and make sure they are Scripturally sound. (You can usually find this on their websites.) Make sure there are open, kind people who make you feel welcome. But we have been so financially blessed that I want to give beyond that. I’ve seen many opportunities from bloggers, but I want to be sure that the recipients are above board and that the majority of my gift will go to the need. Well, while you are researching, give where you already know it will be used well.

• Our little town has the Christian Care Center. My church donates to it; many of our members volunteer there, so I know it’s a good, well-run organization.
• My in-laws travel and work with Volunteer Christian Builders, a group that builds churches around the country, and while the churches provide construction materials, the workers provide all their travel expenses and any other incidentals that arise, plus administrative costs.
• I listen to Andy Stanley and Joyce Meyer regularly, so gifts to them would be obvious.

How should I serve? Well what is your strength, or what has moved you? When Mr X had his motorcycle accident recently, we got several cards and meals that meant so much to us. BINGO! I can continue my mother’s tradition of mailing encouragement, plus indulge my Pinterest-food obsession. Making meals just involves a bit of planning ahead, and making more than you need. When you are putting some in the freezer for next time, or using extra for second-generation meals, just make a bit more for another meal. Freeze it, and before long, a family you know will have a need. My experience of care-taking was very short but exhausting. It really made me empathize with those who do it long-term.

While you are waiting to see if God wants to you go on an overseas mission trip, do the little things that are easy to overlook. There is a tendency to think God is going to call us to some grandiose mission, and while we are waiting, we are missing the many opportunities to be His hands and feet right where we live. And please remember– your first mission field is right in your family.

Just Do It

I love the promise of a new year– a fresh start, a second chance. It is a good time for reflection of the year passed, and assessment of it: not to beat ourselves up over disappointments and failures, or brag on ourselves for our successes, but to use the lessons we’ve learned from all of them to help determine our road map for the next year.

I particularly enjoy seeing worksheets and master plans– they give order and manageability to a potentially overwhelming task. And now with Pinterest, I’m in new-year-plan heaven! Therein lies my problem.

As long as I’m obsessing over which plan to use, or what task to give priority to, or how to implement the plan, I’m not DOING anything. I tend to operate at 1 of only 2 speeds: running, usually at work, and laid out on the couch. I have the perfectionistic difficulty of doing something unless I can do it all, preferably in an ordered, scheduled manner.

James tells us to be doers of the Word, and not hearers only. I have to adapt that Scripture to myself. DO it! Don’t wait for the perfect plan or perfect time. If the window is dirty, take 5 minutes and clean it, even if you haven’t dusted and vacuumed, or picked up the rest of the house or even the room. Clean and straighten a single drawer or a shelf, even if it will take a week to get the closet done. Remember, every little helps.

Make plans for 2013. Call them resolutions, or not. But don’t get so hung up on planning that you don’t DO.

Are you planning for the new year? Without a vision, the people perish!

Give Me A Man

On the way to church this morning I prayed for a marriage post idea, which I usually do, and I got one, albeit from an unusual place! 1 Samuel 17 tells the story of David and Goliath. I wouldn’t have expected parallels to marriage to be there, but they are!

David has gone to the battlefield as his dad instructed, and sees Goliath taunting the Israeli army. He is huge; he wears 120 pounds of gleaming bronze armor and carries a spear weighing in at about 23 pounds!

He seems unbeatable.

He makes fun of the men. “Why did you even bother putting on your battle gear? … Choose a man for yourselves, and if he can beat me, then all the Philistines will be your servants!” Can’t you just hear the sarcasm dripping off his tongue? Then he adds what looks to me to be the Old Testament equivalent of a double-dog dare: “I defy the ranks of Israel this day; give me a man, that we may fight together!” As soon as our pastor shouted those words, I knew they were a battle cry, from God, for marriages! “Give me a man, that we may fight together!” Our enemy puts giants of temptation in our paths all the time in our modern world: incessant advertising to tempt our greed; sexual images literally everywhere you look to feed our insecurities and stir up lust in our husbands; perpetual distractions that can easily take our focus off the most important things. It’s a constant battle– however, when we feel defeated it’s because we haven’t used all the weapons at our disposal. Our pastor brought out how, oftentimes, we are so AFRAID of criticism or failure that we are paralyzed and do nothing. Look at the couples who don’t marry, but give in to the myth that love can’t last and marriage is foolish.

What can a young man learn about being God’s man and leading in marriage?

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12

David was young and inexperienced in war. His brothers tried to shush him, and the King discouraged him. But he was confident in God.  The battle against marriage is between our enemy and our Father. We are just little soldiers. God is FOR marriage, and He will fight the enemy for it. We just have to realize what is really going on, and follow His rules.

Don’t be stupid. (My loose translation of Ecclesiastes 10:3–  …the fool lacks sense and shows everyone how stupid he is.)

David wasn’t foolish– he took 5 rocks, not just one, and he did have experience using a sling. Don’t rush in and marry the first person you are attracted to. Take some time. Have a plan. Have some resources at your disposal. Get counsel from older, godly people whose judgment you trust.

The battle is the Lord’s.  1 Samuel 17:47

David knew he wasn’t fighting in his own strength. Neither are we, if we will surrender our will to God’s, and take orders from Him. He’s offering to lead our battalion!

The difference in David’s battle and marriage is that David’s  was just one battle, and marriage is More like Whack-a-Mole– Any “giant” might rear up again, and when you do finally kill it, another one might take its place! When you take a stand for God, be prepared for war. That’s why we are given a full set of armor in Ephesians 6, and are warned the the devil is like a roaring lion, looking for a meal. Girls, we need to do our part in encouraging our husbands and raising our sons to be strong, godly leaders. Listen– do you hear it? God is calling– “Give me a man, that we may fight together!”

Source David and Goliath  Source Bride and Groom 

Stormy Weather?

I’ve been thinking about storms a lot lately. My heart hurts for the people who were devastated by Hurricane Sandy– down here on the Gulf Coast we are used to hurricanes, and every summer it’s a coin toss whether or not we’ll get something from the tropics, but the Northeast had never seen anything like that before!

Hearing about Sandy brought to mind 2008, when Hurricane Ike hit our area and 2005, when Rita tore through our town. We lost over 50 trees in our little 1.3 acres and had a 100-foot pine tree on our roof, plus a few other punctures through the roof. (I’ll do a post about it sometime.)

Then tonight our pastor preached about storms of life. Ugh… We all have had them. We’ll have more. If you’ve been married more than a few weeks, you’ve probably had some degree of a storm in your relationship– maybe just a tropical storm, or maybe a Category 5.

I read Acts 27, Paul’s storm at sea, and got some insights into marital storms.

In verse 10 Paul warned them that a storm was coming. I’m telling you the same thing. That won’t stop it from coming, but you can prepare. At least you won’t be shocked and think your marriage is over because you will know that ALL marriages go through storms.

In verses 18 and 38, the sailors threw cargo, even food, overboard.You might lose some things in the storm.  You might throw selfishness– or something you’re putting ahead of the needs of your spouse– or your pride– overboard, when you realize that they are endangering your ability to stay afloat.

Your storm might last a long time. Maybe you’re in a storm WITH your spouse; it’s not a problem between you. Maybe caring for a special-needs child, or an aging parent. Maybe one of you is in school and resources are stretched to the breaking point. A chronic difficult situation can seem never-ending and is exhausting. You might go “many days without seeing the sun or stars and give up all hope…” (v 20)

However, Paul assured them that they would live through it. “Take courage! For I truse in God that it will be just as I was told.” (v 25) and “Not even a hair on your heads will be lost.” (v 34) God assures us, that even in situations that look absolutely hopeless, He is able to bring good.

But read what happened in order for the men to get to shore–they had to crash the boat and jump into the sea. Imagine how scary that looked to them! Don’t you think some wanted to take their chances and keep sailing? Sometimes, especially with a long-term marital problem that has been ignored and never dealt with, bringing it to the surface and confronting it seems more painful than working it out. But it’s like a splinter. It starts out as a little sliver,but then the skin gets red and irritated. Infection sets in. Maybe an abscess forms. An unacknowledged problem is still there, it just grows under the surface and gets more and more painful. You MUST deal with the problem if you want your marriage to thrive.

There are countless Scriptures promising help and support– here are some of my favorites.

Isaiah 43:18-19 Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to the things of old. Look, I am about to do something newl even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make highways [not just a footpath] in the desert, rivers [not just a piddly stream].

John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Isaiah 43: 2 When you pass through the deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through the fire, you will not be burned; the hard trials that come will not hurt you.

Joel 2:32 All who call upon the Lord for help will be saved…

Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 
though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

Psalm 107:28-31 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.
Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind.

I pray you are not in a storm right now, but if you are, grab a life ring and stay afloat. Catch your breath, and rest in the knowledge that it won’t last forever. You’re not alone. We’ve all been there. Brighter days are ahead.

Speech is Not Free

“Speech is not free, and can never be fully refunded.”

(Care to tweet that line?)

One of my (favorite) former students posted this on her Facebook status recently, and it got me to thinking. How very true it is! Once more, I was reminded that, though we live in America and are so fortunate to have many rights, with those rights come responsibility. John Adams, our second President, said it this way:

…this country will be the most miserable habitation in the  New World; because we have no government armed with power  capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality  and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge, or gallantry, would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale  goes through a net. Our Constitution was made only for a  moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the  government of any other… (See the full text here.)

Our Constitution does not control us unduly, because it’s understood that we will exercise SELF-control. I sometimes get depressed and discouraged, listening to the news and hearing about selfish people demanding their “rights”, regardless of how those “rights” affect other people. I suppose those thugs who demonstrate and spew hate at military funerals have the “right” to do so, but it is still WRONG for them to do it. There is a legal battle going on now in my neighboring town of Kountze, where the high school cheerleaders began painting encouraging Scriptures on the run-through signs (instead of things like “Kill the bears!”) and ONE PERSON got offended and wants it stopped. My two cents says my freedom of religion doesn’t mean you can’t practice your freedom of religion. We are right smack in the Bible belt here in Southeast Texas, and the vast majority of people who attend the games are very supportive of the girls (even before it became such a hot issue). If I were in a predominantly Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim community, and the children held up signs with teachings from their Sacred Books, I would not be offended and insist they take them down, or add Christian messages!

But I thing my student was really just talking about zipping her lips. Sometimes we all say things that maybe are right, but are not necessary. What’s the acronym? TRUTH? Is it true? Is it right? Is it ___??? Is it helpful? (I can’t remember or find them all! Help me!) Or as the Bible says in Philippians 4:8, Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable– if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on these things. I don’t think we would be defiling Scripture if we would say SPEAK these things.

So thank God for your rights and freedoms. But don’t take advantage of them and hurt others. Speech is not free.

If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.

James 1:26

In All Things…

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)

This is another of those famous “kitchen wall” verses… How many times have you said it or had it quoted to you when your world was falling apart? Sometimes it’s kind of hard to stomach. What is good about your marriage on the rocks? Or your parent with Alzheimers? Or a miscarriage?

We recently studied The Hand of God by Alistair Begg at Sunday School, and it features an in-depth study of Joseph from Genesis, using this verse as its cornerstone. This was a little different translation than I was used to– I have said many times, “God works for good,” or “All things work together for good,” implying that the events themselves were good– which they clearly are not! Or else the situations are good– which they clearly are not, either!

Here’s the deal. All things that happen are either allowed by God, or sometimes He intervenes, and they are caused directly by Him. I believe that since God is good, He does not directly cause any bad thing to happen, but since sin entered the world, bad things do happen, and He does sometimes allow them to. Why? Because He knows that through trials and troubles, we can grow closer to Him; our faith and dependence on Him can grow, and we can become more conformed to His image. Sometimes we get past the trial and say, “Oh, I see what He was teaching me.” Sometimes someone else will tell us what an inspiration we were. But sometimes we never know in this life. This too requires faith, that our suffering is helping SOMEBODY.

There are three key phrases to the understanding of this verse:

In all things – Not all things that happen are good, but in every situation, while it’s going on, God is there working, possibly behind the scenes where you can’t imagine Him to be, but He’s there nonetheless. Nothing happens without His permission. Even bad things.

For the good– Here’s where it begins to get challenging, and requires faith! What does God see as “our good?” How does it compare to our idea of “our good?” Well, have you ever told your child “NO” and he thought his world would end? Why did you say he couldn’t eat that snack, buy that toy, visit that friend, stay up past bedtime? Why did you make her get that vaccination, which hurt, or take that medicine which tasted horrible? Did she understand that it was for her good? Of course not! Sometimes it’s the same with us. We have to remember that God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways. (Isaiah 55:8)  We tend to see the end of our nose, while He sees way beyond. Remember Garth Brooks’ old song “Thank God for unanswered prayers?” This is where faith comes in. Father, I don’t like what’s happening, but I trust that You know better; that You can take me through it and make it for my good.

Called according to His purpose– Here’s the last part, and it requires faith in His judgment too. What is His purpose for our lives? Comfort, pleasure, prosperity? Maybe. But above all, He desires for us to grow in the likeness of Christ, and fellowship with Him, and to be His ambassadors in the world.

When we persevere through impossible situations and we still love God and our families; and maintain a Christlike attitude and heart, what do the unbelievers around us say? (Even I, a believer, am amazed at the way some of my Christian brothers and sisters handle devastating trials!) When we are able to keep our heads about us and not embarrass God by our pity parties and hissyfits, it is a tremendous witness to a watching world that we have something different– something that they might want.

So, next time you are in the midst of a trial– and you will be– ask God to teach you what you need to learn, and tell Him that you trust Him to get you to the other side more like Him and closer to Him.

Have you seen “the good” in a seemingly hopeless situation?

 

A Merry Heart– Oct 21

A merry heart is good medicine…

Proverbs 17:22

Mr X and I hosted and facilitated a marriage conference created by FamilyLife called The Art of Marriage at our church this weekend. It went very well, with 36 couples in attendance! I truly believe lives and marriages were touched and changed. Please pray for everyone who was involved, as well as for the followup that we will have to do.

I thought you would enjoy some of the video from the series– These are from the FamilyLife Facebook page:

The Series Trailer– information

The Game Plan (hilarious… “There is no whining in marriage!”)

And one last one. It’s not exactly “merry heart” material, but is a very powerful presentation of the Fall in the Garden of Eden. Seeing it at the Weekend to Remember conference we attended last June convinced us that we needed to host this event.

I hope you have had a wonderful weekend of rest, fellowship, and worship!

Revive Your Marriage- Revive Your Praise

Is any among you merry? Let him sing songs of praise. James 5:13

And I would add, is any among you sad and downhearted? Then really, sing songs of praise! Praise is so mingled together with gratitude, and I believe that a heart steeped in gratitude is able to withstand the challenges of life in general and marriage in particular, so much better than the ungrateful person!

What? Your husband isn’t perfect? Oh wait…neither is anyone else’s. And sorry, neither are you, nor I! Love changes over time; a marriage undergoes “growing pains” but when you can keep gratitude for your spouse in the forefront of your mind, your marriage will be so much better.

And then get the gratitude out of your mind and onto your lips in the form of praise. This is an effective relationship tool with anyone, and especially with a spouse, who, because of the “no-escape clause” nature of the relationship, is more likely to be taken for granted than anyone else. Be sincere; don’t be patronizing, but find things to appreciate, then say them! Is your husband a dependable provider? Lots of women would love one of those. Does he keep the yard nice? Is he a great dad? Can he open jars, reach high things for you, write an Excel formula, better than you? Does he fix you sandwiches and take you on dates? (I’m being a bit personal here.) Just as the master told the servant in the parable, “you’ve been faithful over a little; ill make you master over lot,” I suspect if you show appreciation and praise for the good things your spouse does, you’ll see more of them.

Actually, It’s Not All About ME, Either.

You might have figured out that Auntie Em is a musician. I can play the piano by ear; I can’t remember a time when I couldn’t.  I remember in kindergarten, being puzzled by the boy who couldn’t beat a triangle in rhythm to the Maypole dance! I thought everybody could play the piano by ear until I started teaching lessons.

I began taking lessons in 4th grade, got in the studio of a college professor that taught privately in our town in 8th grade, and continued with him through high school graduation and beyond. (He also taught Sunshine and Sis all through school, and Sis all the way through a piano performance major in college!)

I love to play. My mother never had to remind me to practice, not once. I taught private lessons for 12 years and I’m presently in my 18th year teaching choir (and playing the piano an awful lot!) I’ve had a “church gig” since I graduated from high school.

As a natural and a trained musician, and as a choir teacher whose job it is to listen critically for what to fix and how to fix it, a lot of music is difficult for me to listen to. I hear wrong notes. Wrong rhythms. Intonation problems. I rarely can listen to music to relax, because I listen very actively… “oh… key change.. ABA form… oh, a reiteration of the original theme”… etc, ad nauseum!

Okay. Got the picture?

Now put all of this in the immature mind of a young woman in her 20′s. My music is a very “out front” kind of gift that draws a lot of attention and the praise of kind people. It was a battle for a long time to fight ego, vanity, and pride.

Through much prayer, some maturity, and the revelation of the grace of God, and the understanding that through Him I can do all things (Phil 4:13), but without Him, I can do nothing (John 15:5), I think I have a handle on it.

I came to realize that God gave me the gift, just like he gave me blue eyes and fair skin. Maybe I always did know this; I just didn’t quite know what to do with it. He put me in a family with the means to provide lessons, in a town where there was an incredible teacher. Yes, I practiced hours and hours, but it was always something I enjoyed. He could just as easily have given that talent and opportunity to someone else, but He chose me.

I had an epiphany when I read CS Lewis’s Screwtape Letters, and the passage that talked about mature Christians not being tempted by vanity about talent; they appreciated it but would have appreciated it just as much if it were in someone else. (If you know this or can find it, please leave it for me in the comments; Lewis says it far more eloquently!) And I think in the same book, Screwtape was instructing his nephew Wormwood to confuse “the patient” by thinking that humility meant minimizing his talents, when in fact true humility is not “thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”

Because I truly have the attitude that my playing at church (particularly the offertory, when that’s all you hear) is not about me, but preparing people for the sermon, I HATE it when people clap after I finish. I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it makes me.

Okay, I said all that to say this! We recently got an audio-visual system installed at our church. We had a guest pianist perform a concert and the cameras were on his hands, and on him as he sang, which I thought was wholly appropriate, and enjoyed it — that’s what he does, and his ministry… But then I thought… Oh no. I don’t want ME on the screen! I’m not there to perform. I talked to our AV men and told them how I felt.

Then one day, the camera man talked about how the congregation loved to watch me play, and how many comments he got about people enjoying it. (Apparently he was careful not to show my face, but did focus on my hands.) I was very uncomfortable. Then I remembered Auntie Em’s Guide, the part that says “Know your rules. Know THE rules. Know the difference.”

UGH… It was like I was watching the thoughts develop in my mind, as I watched helplessly… Just because having my hands on camera feels like attention on me to ME (my rules), it’s not necessarily THE RULES! People can enjoy God’s gift that He happened to give to me, like I enjoy watching as well as listening to nature sounds, and it doesn’t mean that it’s about me. My very attempt at humility was inching toward vanity, not quite getting to this thought, but getting close: “I know better than these people; they should be preparing their hearts to hear God’s word, not admiring me!” (Makes me shudder to write those words.)

So– Auntie Em swallowed her pride once again, and told the cameraman to go ahead and shoot the hands if he wanted to. Even though it still makes me uncomfortable. After all, it’s not all about me!