Every Monday in September I have taken part in the “Revive Your Marriage” link-up with To Love, Honor, and Vacuum, The Unveiled Wife, The Time Warp Wife, and Women Living Well. It’s been good! Writing a post makes you think a little more intentionally than you normally would, ask questions, start conversations. So it’s been good for my marriage. I hope yours has had a revival too!
I think it was quite appropriate that the ladies chose the “Sex Life” post for last, because as women, that can be the most challenging one for us, but it is every bit as important as the others. I’ve discovered the Trinity in marriage: God, husband, wife. There’s also a Trinity in a marital relationship: Emotional, spiritual, physical. I’m all about the emotional part, baby! But to be healthy, a marriage has to have a solid base of ALL THREE parts. I would venture to say that most marriages that I know are teetering on 1 or 2 legs. After we have gotten our prayers, our attitudes, our friendship, and praise revived, our love life will be ripe for revival too.
I’ve thought a lot about this post, in part because I don’t write anonymously and my kids read it! So (although I’m sure they will still be blushing if they read it) I’ll let some other very wise friends help me out. I’ve come up with 3 changes to make:
Change your mind: Read up about married sex. (Who knew there were many Christian marriage blogs?)
- Start with the Song of Solomon. Married people should have the best love lives of anyone (And according to Sheila’s statistics, they do.)
- Read about The Gospel in the Bedroom.
- Read Ephesians 5 (No sexual immorality; mutual submission and servant love; unity within marriage)
- Read 1 Corinthians 13 to see about Biblical love
- Have you ever noticed all the warnings about sexual temptaion for men in the Bible? Obviously it’s a huge issue for them. Wives need to be aware of it, and sadly, it’s seldom discussed at church or in your Sunday School class. Study up. Huz at Square 1 Ministries gives a man’s perspective of why sex is so important.
- I’ve got to add a caveat, in our day of streaming video and sexualized EVERYTHING. Porn is becoming more and more mainstream and normalized. (50 Shades of Gray and “Magic Mike” are 2 examples of new marketing to women.) It’s dangerous. Research is emerging, even from non-Christian sources, that exposes it as the poison that it is. It is as brain-changing and addicting as any chemical. Steer away from it, and put safeguards on your computer and in your home for your husband and children.
Change your clothes!
- Lose the shapeless flannel. (Watch Sheila’s hysterical video of “How to Turn Your Husband Off.”)
- Ask him what color he likes, or what he’d like you to wear. (Daywear, when you will be with him, as well as night wear!)
- Get something new. They have inexpensive lingerie at Walmart and Cato. (And tell him ahead of time! The anticipation will make him happy.)
- In the same vein, do your face and hair even if you’re not leaving the house, and only he will see you. Make sure he knows that HE is your “audience” whose opinion you value most highly!
Change your ways.
- Plan time in your day for your husband. Don’t give everything you have at work, and to the children, so that there’s nothing left for him. Yes, there will be seasons where a sick child, or a Spring concert take center stage for a bit, but God says your husband is your highest earthly relationship. We get this one wrong far too often. (Personal experience talking.)
- Discover ways to flirt with him. Text him and tell him you’re thinking about him. Send him a picture of your smiling face and say “I’m happy because you’ll be home soon” or something like that. (Remember, don’t ever put *anything* on the internet or through the air that would make you have to change your state of residence!)
- Plan a date, and give him hints but keep it secret. I planned a weekend in Houston in the summer– he knew only that we were going away overnight and he needed his camera. I programmed addresses of photo ops, the hotel, and the restaurant into the GPS, (I also got his sister and her husband to come meet us.) and he just drove. He kept saying he couldn’t believe I had done all that planning. He was thrilled!
A committed Christian marriage has to be the best relationship there is on earth. It’s the foundation for great relationships with your kids. It’s the launching pad you and your husband need to be confident in your jobs. It’s the safe haven you come home to, and can count on when you are at your weakest. It’s where you find, and give, grace, because you know that each of you has been forgiven and made new.
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