Armor Up your Marriage

In my last post I wrote about my husband’s motorcycle accident at the end of November, and how his riding gear– a full face helmet, riding gloves and boots, and an armored jacket– saved his skin, and I believe, his life. (Read “Armor Up!” if you missed it.)  I got to thinking how God provides protective armor for us spiritually, and also in our marriages.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms… Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,  and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:11-12, 14-17

Stand against the devil’s schemes

It’s important to remember that God created and ordained marriage, and it is meant to be an earthly representation of the relationship between Christ and His church. Marriages that follow God’s rules are the foundation of healthy families, which in turn build a Godly society. And our enemy hates everything about marriage. Humans can do plenty of wrong, selfish things on our own, but remember when your spouse has stepped on your last nerve that the devil is scheming against your marriage. Your spouse is not your enemy— Satan is, and all the authorities and powers of this dark world. The armor that protects our spirits can also protect our marriages.

The belt of truth

The other day a salesman counseled Mr X to buy something that was more than he wanted to spend by saying, “Well just buy it and don’t tell your wife!” (He not only didn’t buy it, but told the man that he has too much respect for his wife to do that. WOW!) I remember before I started teaching school, a close friend my mother’s age advised me to write a check for groceries a little over the amount and hold that money aside as “my” money. Telling “little white lies” to your spouse is NOT okay. Neither is neglecting to tell them something you don’t want them to know, or doing something you know they don’t want you to do and hoping they don’t find out. You’re MARRIED. You are ONE FLESH. Don’t keep secrets. Nothing about you is not their business. Deception is like a little tree that grows up between the cracks in a sidewalk; it gets bigger and bigger and eventually breaks the sidewalk to pieces.

The breastplate of righteousness

In addition to general instructions on the Christian way of life, the Bible gives Christians very detailed instructions on how to behave in marriage. (Ephesians 5:22-33; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1-7 to name a few) In a nutshell: Husbands are to love their wives with Christlike love. Wives are to respect their husbands. They actually submit to one another, loving with servant love, but somebody has to have controlling interest. That’s how I see Biblical submission of wives. The husband has the ultimate authority because his is the ultimate responsibility. I rarely watch TV and one of the big reasons is that I can’t stand the way husbands and dads are belittled and made fun of. Ladies, if you badmouth your husband that is wrong. Men, if you put your own needs ahead of your wife’s, that is wrong. If we want our marriages to be protected by God’s armor, we have to operate by His rule book.

The Gospel of peace

A Christian home should be a place of safety and peace, an oasis in a dry and dusty land!

• Husbands,  love your wives and never treat them harshly. (Ephesians 3:19)
• Wives, remember It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife. (Proverbs 21:19) Beware of husband-bashing parties that sometimes develop when a group of girlfriends get together.

The shield of faith

I know this Scripture is talking about faith in God, but faith in your spouse is an important thing, too. Don’t assume the worst when they say something wrong; look for a different explanation. (Maybe he’s not a self-centered pig; maybe he had a really bad day at work. Maybe she isn’t totally selfish and insensitive to your needs; maybe SHE had a really bad day at work!) Often we put on a happy face out in the world, then really let our hair down at home, with the one we trust the most. Be careful not to take that trust for granted. Give a warning ahead of time if you are “out of sorts” as we say in Texas.

The helmet of salvation

I can’t stretch this one to apply to anything but God. But to put it in a marital context, if you are both believers, you are not only husband and wife, you are brother and sister in Christ. You share a common relationship with your heavenly Father. Everything that Christ exemplified and is written about relationships — selflessness, kindness, forgiveness, longsuffering, etc— also applies in marriages.

Marriages in our world today are subjected to all kinds of hazards, from sick children to leaking dishwashers to lost jobs to infidelity. The protective armor of God can deflect many of these “flaming arrows” and can give us strength to fight the battles that will come. Armor up!

Just Do It PS

The day I wrote Just Do It, I watched Joyce Meyer sermon (while I was walking on the treadmill, yay!!) called Finish What You Start. She talked about her daughter’s 50-lb loss and knew that the audience would want to know how she did it. (How many times have I asked that question?) She said, “I’m not going to tell you!” God has a different plan for everyone, whether it’s weight loss, or Bible study, or discipline in any other area, and we already know what to do! We just need to do it.

We already know what to do!

Oh man, isn’t that funny how God speaks to us? In the other post, I focused on the DOING. Today, as I was walking the treadmill (again– yay!!) I began to focus on the KNOWING.

What exercise plan should I follow? How about the one that you already have everything you need? I have a treadmill, a nice neighborhood, and good walking shoes for walking. But I have had knee surgery and walking might aggravate it. Well try it and moderate it if that happens. I have a balance ball workout video. I have 1- and 5-lb weights and resistance bands, and Youtube, which is full of free videos.

What Bible study plan should I do? Read it. I already use plans on the Youversion app. I have many devotional books on my bookshelf. There are a gazillion online studies. Pray about it, but don’t obsess. If you don’t get any specific leading, flip a coin or something, anything, just start one! I’m feeling led to continue my 3 bookmark plan of the Bible (OT history; OT poetry/prophecy; and NT) but add Good Morning Girls’s SOAP method— write down the Scripture; write down some observations; write down some applications; and pray using the Scripture. I won’t do this for everything, but when something speaks to me, I will.

How should I give? Well obviously, tithe to your church you attend. If you don’t have one, find one, and get involved. Check out their beliefs and make sure they are Scripturally sound. (You can usually find this on their websites.) Make sure there are open, kind people who make you feel welcome. But we have been so financially blessed that I want to give beyond that. I’ve seen many opportunities from bloggers, but I want to be sure that the recipients are above board and that the majority of my gift will go to the need. Well, while you are researching, give where you already know it will be used well.

• Our little town has the Christian Care Center. My church donates to it; many of our members volunteer there, so I know it’s a good, well-run organization.
• My in-laws travel and work with Volunteer Christian Builders, a group that builds churches around the country, and while the churches provide construction materials, the workers provide all their travel expenses and any other incidentals that arise, plus administrative costs.
• I listen to Andy Stanley and Joyce Meyer regularly, so gifts to them would be obvious.

How should I serve? Well what is your strength, or what has moved you? When Mr X had his motorcycle accident recently, we got several cards and meals that meant so much to us. BINGO! I can continue my mother’s tradition of mailing encouragement, plus indulge my Pinterest-food obsession. Making meals just involves a bit of planning ahead, and making more than you need. When you are putting some in the freezer for next time, or using extra for second-generation meals, just make a bit more for another meal. Freeze it, and before long, a family you know will have a need. My experience of care-taking was very short but exhausting. It really made me empathize with those who do it long-term.

While you are waiting to see if God wants to you go on an overseas mission trip, do the little things that are easy to overlook. There is a tendency to think God is going to call us to some grandiose mission, and while we are waiting, we are missing the many opportunities to be His hands and feet right where we live. And please remember– your first mission field is right in your family.

Ah, November…

If you’ve read Sunshine’s “substitute” post, or my Facebook page, you know we had a little too much excitement last weekend– my husband, Mr X, was in a serious motorcycle accident while riding with a friend. He’s going to be okay; he spent 3 days in the hospital and has a broken nose and 3 broken ribs. He also had a small pneumothorax (air between the lungs and lining that can lead to a collapsed lung; fortunately his dissipated before we left the hospital) and internal bleeding leading to a large hematoma inside his pelvis. It quit bleeding and will eventually absorb. In the meantime, he’s stiff and sore, and moving slowly, but thank God, he’s moving! His friend was also injured but able to walk– stiffly– away.

I went back to work Thursday and Friday, and haven’t had a minute to write anything, or any spare brain cells that are really working that well– so I decided to do a month-end statistics report. As non-mathematical as I am, somehow I love studying statistics!

Top 5 Posts for November

                                            

1. Auntie Em’s Guide to Lazy Girl Housekeeping      2. Auntie Em’s Cornbread Dressing

                        

3. Give Me a Man                                                      4.    Stormy Weather?

5. He Wasn’t Always My BFF

Top 5 posts since the beginning (August 31, 2012)

1. He Wasn’t Always My BFF

                            

2. Actually, It’s NOT All About You         3.  Three Little Changes

4. Be Anxious for Nothing

5. Auntie Em’s Guide to Lazy Girl Housekeeping

The most shared posts since the beginning

1. Actually, It’s NOT All About You

2. Auntie Em’s Grilled Pork Loin, AKA The Truth Will Set You Free

           

3. Granny’s Cornbread                             4.  A First-World Problem

5. Thank You, Dave Ramsey

Check out some of these posts if you haven’t yet, and hopefully this week I will get some new words down. In the meantime, I appreciate all your prayers, and please keep them up! As I said on my Facebook page, the fellowship of believers (All over the world!!) is a sweet and powerful thing!

Forgive how many times?

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22

Then Jesus begins the parable of the servants who owed money to their master; and the one who owed a huge amount was forgiven the debt; after which he choked and imprisoned someone who owed him a pittance. I’m right there in the cheap seats, cheering when the master called him back in, tortured and imprisoned him till he could repay the original debt. Yeah! You deserve it, jerk!

But then– you know what I’m going to say, don’t you? God whispers. “Ahem…. ahem… I forgave you a huge debt. Remember? Shouldn’t you forgive the pittance that you think you are owed?”

UGH.

Do you have anyone in your life that occasionally irritates or annoys you? Or hurts your feelings? Or makes you hopping mad? Like maybe your husband?

This might be hard to imagine, but sometimes Mr X is insensitive. He’s very smart and witty, and sometimes he can’t resist popping out a smart remark, going for the joke.

And there are other times he’s said and done things over the years that have hurt and disappointed. Of course he has! He is by nature a selfish, depraved sinner, just like me. It’s only God’s grace that makes us the least bit loving and loveable. I know all this, and I really love him so very much, and enjoy his company! He spoils me and loves me extravagantly.

But there are times when I start remembering some old offense, maybe from months or years ago. I’ll roll it around in my mind, over and over, looking at it from all angles, poking and prodding to see if I can figure out any motive or feeling I haven’t already. Did I remember it all? “Maybe he said this… He must have thought… I bet he didn’t even… I should have said… If that happens again, I’ll do…” Seriously, Auntie Em? Pitiful, I know.

 And God is clearing His throat, giving me gently nudges. “Melinda… Remember… Micah 7:18”

Where is another God like you, who pardons the guilt of the remnant, overlooking the sins of his special people? You will not stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing unfailing love. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

Notice the remnant really is guilty. “Pardon” doesn’t mean they didn’t do it; it means they did it but don’t have to pay for it. And they sinned against GOD, sinless and perfect, not me, another sinner, who oftentimes had some part in the whole episode. But if we want Christlike characteristics, forgiveness is a big one!

• We can’t stay angry and be like Christ.
• We must show unfailing love. (which covers a multitude of sins 1 Peter 4:8)
• We must have compassion. When everything calms down and a husband realizes he’s hurt the one he loves the most and is supposed to protect, it hurts him on many levels– to see her pain, and the disappointment he has in himself for falling short as a Christian and as a husband.
• We mustn’t GO FISHING! When we make the choice to forgive, we need to throw the sin into the depths of the sea and leave it there.

When one of these temptations to relive an offense pops up, I say NO in my mind– I picture it in all caps. Then, I’ll actively use my senses– looking at what’s around me or concentrating on what I hear, something like that, and begin thanking God for forgiveness and newness in Christ. If  the offense still hangs around,  I’ll go to step 2, and say “That’s old news– over and done. Forgiven. In the bottom of the sea.” Usually by this time it’s gone, but if I need a step 3, there is Scripture and prayer– I realize that our enemy would like nothing better than to rekindle old hurts and disrupt our marriage, because he hates us and he hates God. He can’t get at God directly, so he picks on His children. I tell God I know what is going on, and need Him to take care of it for me, then quote some Scripture or hymns. I don’t have a huge store of chapter and verse memory, but I know this much:

• When You forgive me, you justify me too- JUST AS IF I never sinned.
• Love covers a multitude of sin.
• Your grace is greater than all our sins.

Funny how God works! I had been dealing with pop-ups Saturday, and in our sermon Sunday morning our pastor said some of the very things God commands us to do for our own good are hard. The paralytic had to stretch out his hand. (Mark 3:5) The cripple had to pick up his pallet and walk. (John 5:8) The adulterous woman was told to go and sin no more. (John 8:11). And we are told to forgive, not just seven times, but seventy TIMES seven. Every time the offense comes to mind, we must choose to forgive again.

Did you get that?

Every time an offense comes to mind, we must choose to forgive again.

(Tweet this!)

I suspect if you are an introspective, melancholic personality type line me, this might be a struggle for you, too. As I’ve gotten wiser (LOL and OLDER!) it’s become less of a problem because I can squelch it quicker. I figured out how to fight!

How do you deal with old wounds that try to pop up and cause new hurt all over again?

Speech is Not Free

“Speech is not free, and can never be fully refunded.”

(Care to tweet that line?)

One of my (favorite) former students posted this on her Facebook status recently, and it got me to thinking. How very true it is! Once more, I was reminded that, though we live in America and are so fortunate to have many rights, with those rights come responsibility. John Adams, our second President, said it this way:

…this country will be the most miserable habitation in the  New World; because we have no government armed with power  capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality  and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge, or gallantry, would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale  goes through a net. Our Constitution was made only for a  moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the  government of any other… (See the full text here.)

Our Constitution does not control us unduly, because it’s understood that we will exercise SELF-control. I sometimes get depressed and discouraged, listening to the news and hearing about selfish people demanding their “rights”, regardless of how those “rights” affect other people. I suppose those thugs who demonstrate and spew hate at military funerals have the “right” to do so, but it is still WRONG for them to do it. There is a legal battle going on now in my neighboring town of Kountze, where the high school cheerleaders began painting encouraging Scriptures on the run-through signs (instead of things like “Kill the bears!”) and ONE PERSON got offended and wants it stopped. My two cents says my freedom of religion doesn’t mean you can’t practice your freedom of religion. We are right smack in the Bible belt here in Southeast Texas, and the vast majority of people who attend the games are very supportive of the girls (even before it became such a hot issue). If I were in a predominantly Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim community, and the children held up signs with teachings from their Sacred Books, I would not be offended and insist they take them down, or add Christian messages!

But I thing my student was really just talking about zipping her lips. Sometimes we all say things that maybe are right, but are not necessary. What’s the acronym? TRUTH? Is it true? Is it right? Is it ___??? Is it helpful? (I can’t remember or find them all! Help me!) Or as the Bible says in Philippians 4:8, Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable– if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on these things. I don’t think we would be defiling Scripture if we would say SPEAK these things.

So thank God for your rights and freedoms. But don’t take advantage of them and hurt others. Speech is not free.

If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.

James 1:26

Complete, Don’t Compete

You’re married to a sinner. So am I. And so are our spouses. That’s what’s wrong with marriages today. If you read yesterday’s  “A Merry Heart,” you know we hosted a FamilyLife Art of Marriage conference. In the “Love Fades… the Drift Toward Isolation” chapter, they said one result of sin is the tendency not to complete each other, as God intended, but to compete with one another. In Genesis 3:16, God told Eve, “…Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” I always thought it meant sexual desire, (then the promised pain of childbirth), but the scholars explained that the original language implies the desire to rule over your husband. The New Living Translation says it this way: “… And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Biblos.com has many translations, plus scholarly articles at the bottom, if you want to read more.) So one of the results of sin was conflict in marriage. We all want to be the boss, because we are by nature selfish! Even with the first sin, Adam and Eve began throwing blame around: “It was the serpent’s fault! He tricked me!” “It was the woman’s fault! You know, the one YOU gave me!” Anything but admit that they did wrong! They immediately threw somebody else under the bus. We need to remember that at the bottom of most– all? — marital conflict is the fight to get MY WAY.  MY rights have been violated. And sometimes they have. But do we have the right to claim our rights if we are Christ-followers? He had the right to have everyone– EVERYONE– bow down and worship. They didn’t. He forgave. One thing to remember, though, is that our spouse is not the enemy in the situation; he is just doing what sinful people do. There is a spiritual battle taking place in every marriage.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)

The answer is seen in the following verses:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. Ephesians 6:10-11 (ESV)

Remember, we were created for relationship, intimacy, and unity with God, and in our marital relationships but sin blew that plan. The same Christ that built the bridge between God and mankind offers the bridge between husband and wife.

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned– every one– to his own way. Isaiah 53:6 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God Romans 3:23

And Christ provided the cure:

“… in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5:19 (ESV) “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

I love a quote from one of the scholars they featured, Paul David Tripp: “What the cross brings is fresh starts and new beginnings.” We’ve all needed those from time to time! So how about you? Do you need a fresh start and new beginning today?

Dealing with Conflict in Marriage

What causes quarrels and fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. James 4:1-2a

No matter how much you love your spouse, or how compatible you are, you will have conflict in your marriage. Don’t expect it not to pop in for a visit. The goal is to learn how to deal with it in a healthy way, one that draws you closer together and closer to God. The Bible is full of instruction to help!

Speaking the truth in love; we are to grow up in every way into Him who is the Head, into Christ. Ephesians 4:15

Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger… James 1:19

How do you and your spouse handle conflict? I’ll be honest here; Mr X and I did not handle it well for most of our marriage. He never saw it or saw it dealt with in his home. I saw it, and it was not handled well; my dad spoke harshly and my mom quit talking. They ended up divorcing after 35 years of marriage. I learned that problems not talked about do not go away; they just get bigger and nastier. I didn’t want any elephants living in my house, so I was determined to talk everything out! However, Mr X could not be convinced to reciprocate. Finally, God got hold of him and now he will ask, “Is there anything we need to talk about?”

Our Art of Marriage seminar has a chapter on conflict and communication that has some wonderful guidelines:

First, talk to God. Figure out why you are upset. Most of the time, we feel like our rights have been violated or our expectations haven’t been met. Maybe our spouse has said or done unkind things. Maybe he or she HASN”T done what you think needed doing. To resolve the conflict in a healthy, Godly way, the goal must not be I WIN, but the MARRIAGE wins. You must both be committed to oneness.

If either of you has an anger or temper problem, remember these tips:

• Step back until you get yourself under control. Tell your spouse what you are doing and ask them to pray for you. If you think it might take an hour, let them know that. Remind them that you love them and your anger is YOUR problem, not their fault.
• While in “time-out,” breathe deeply and slowly. This will lower your pulse and blood pressure, and stop some of the physical effects of anger, which will help you think clearly. Pray about the situation and calm down.
• When you get back into conversation with your spouse, speak softly. A soft answer turns away wrath. Proverbs 15:1 Remind yourself and your spouse that you can find a win-win resolution.
• Make sure your body language speaks love and respect: Look each other in the eye. Don’t cross your arms or clench your fists.
• Watch your language. Escalating words: never, always, can’t, won’t, don’t, shouldn’t, and YOU statements. De-escalating words: Maybe, sometimes, what if, it seems like, and I statements.
• Ask questions. Don’t assume motives behind actions or statements. (You said “xyz” so “you hate me,” when it might be “you had a headache.”)

Some conflicts in marriage aren’t worth a fight. Let them go. Love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8 But if something is hurting your relationship, it needs to be dealt with. When preparing to confront, remember these tips:

• Examine your heart and your motives. Get any logs out of your eye before you address the speck in your spouse’s eye. Matthew 7:4
• Pray for the situation, your spouse, and your marriage. Ask for wisdom in dealing with the problem.
• Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and choose your words carefully. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
• Choose your timing wisely.
• Sometimes writing a letter is a good way to handle a difficult situation.
• ALWAYS keep in the forefront of your mind that restoring oneness is the goal.

(Adapted from The Art of Marriage  couple’s manual, page 86; FamilyLife Publishing)

What have you learned about handling conflict in your marriage?

Got Hope?

Mr X and I are facilitating an “Art of Marriage” seminar at our church in a couple of weeks. (If you have opportunity to attend one, or the Weekend to Remember, do it!) A young couple told me today how much they needed to come, and the man got emotional; it seemed like he wanted to say more, but just ended up saying, “… we need this.” I tried to give him encouragement by saying EVERY marriage can be better than it is! And marriage is such hard work. Everything in our society fights against us, and it’s so counterintuitive… Put someone else’s needs ahead of my own? Give, when I feel like taking? Submit my will to his? Lay down my life for her? Dearies, the sooner we acknowledge that we are selfish, depraved sinners in need of a Savior, the better. And if you think you aren’t, read  Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things; who can understand it? It’s too sick to be cured.”  and reconsider. To be selfless goes against every fiber of our human flesh, yet it is what God requires of us, in relationship with Him as well as in our marriage relationship. The good news is that He equips us to do that with the help of the Holy Spirit and Scripture.

Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible. Matthew 19:26

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2

And of course, the “Love Chapter” of 1 Corinthians 13 which begins “Love is patient and kind…”

I had this revelation a while back and it made me feel better; maybe it will you too: When there are SO MANY verses telling you how to act, it must mean that it’s not easy to act that way. Notice there aren’t countless instructions telling us how to be mean and selfish! That just comes naturally. We have to CHOOSE to act in a godly way, but the rewards are great when we do.

But what about those marriages that have been hurt beyond the natural selfishness and carelessness that happens in all marriages? Ones where the love has grown cold? Where too many unkind words have been spoken? Where pornography or other adulteries have held a spouse captive? Where the marriage is dead?

Our God is in the resurrection business.

[God] will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; [He] will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations. Isaiah 61:4

Even if you think it’s been too long; it’s too far gone, He can renew marriages that have been devastated for generations.

I have seen what they do, but I will heal them anyway! I will lead them. I will comfort those who mourn… Isaiah 57:18.

You are not a surprise to God. Your sin is nothing new to Him. If we weren’t sinners, why would Jesus have had to die?

Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours. Isaiah 61:7

God doesn’t give us the bad that we deserve– that’s mercy. And then He gives us the good that we don’t deserve! That’s grace. Remember He’s the God of hope! (Romans 13:13)

There are lots of free online resources for hurting marriages. The Christian Marriage Bloggers Association, which I am proud to be a member of, is a great place to start. If you need prayer, there are lots of prayer warriors that read Auntie Em. If you need more practical advice, comment and I will keep it private if you want.

I mean it when I say– Auntie Em is here to help.

Revive Your Marriage- Revive Your Praise

Is any among you merry? Let him sing songs of praise. James 5:13

And I would add, is any among you sad and downhearted? Then really, sing songs of praise! Praise is so mingled together with gratitude, and I believe that a heart steeped in gratitude is able to withstand the challenges of life in general and marriage in particular, so much better than the ungrateful person!

What? Your husband isn’t perfect? Oh wait…neither is anyone else’s. And sorry, neither are you, nor I! Love changes over time; a marriage undergoes “growing pains” but when you can keep gratitude for your spouse in the forefront of your mind, your marriage will be so much better.

And then get the gratitude out of your mind and onto your lips in the form of praise. This is an effective relationship tool with anyone, and especially with a spouse, who, because of the “no-escape clause” nature of the relationship, is more likely to be taken for granted than anyone else. Be sincere; don’t be patronizing, but find things to appreciate, then say them! Is your husband a dependable provider? Lots of women would love one of those. Does he keep the yard nice? Is he a great dad? Can he open jars, reach high things for you, write an Excel formula, better than you? Does he fix you sandwiches and take you on dates? (I’m being a bit personal here.) Just as the master told the servant in the parable, “you’ve been faithful over a little; ill make you master over lot,” I suspect if you show appreciation and praise for the good things your spouse does, you’ll see more of them.